You say you want a revolution? Evidently, I don't want to change the world

Well, I feel like a big fat stinking hypocrite.

Ever since Lucie was pregnant, I've found myself getting more and more annoyed with the way fathers are treated in this country. To name but a few:

1. A system that hardly ever asks how the man is feeling and coping whilst the woman is pregant
2. Men completely ostrasized by health professionals (I remember when I managed to attend one of Lucie's check ups, the midwife blanked me and started asking about "your husband's family's medical history" when I was sat two feet from her)
3. Antenatal classes usually only held during working hours. Women have a right to attend them fully paid, men have none
4. Often ordered out of maternity units after their child has been born, sometimes even minutes after
5. Paternity pay that pays pittance (the other day I was told to 'celebrate' as it had been raised in the budget... from £121 before tax to £123)
6. Minimal leave for fathers, which means that they feel dislocated from childcare once they return to work, and also doesn't allow families to decide who will be the main caregiver and who will return to work

Those are just the ones that spring to mind right now.

One of the main other things that have annoyed me after child birth is the lack of support for fathers. Many groups are specifically targeted towards females, for example groups like "bosom buddies". There's a reason that they're called mother's groups. They are also without fail held during the working week. Whilst I understand the reasons for this, there is little attempt made to offer early evening groups or weekend ones. Health visitors don't like working outside office hours. When I have managed to turn up to them, two annoying things often happen:

1. I'm told "it's nice when men take an interest" (more probably would if they were held at convenient times - I don't like this type of comment as I feel it perpetuates a myth that most dads can't be bothered with their kids)
2. I'm completely blanked or looked at with suspicion as I'm an extremely rare male attendee

To make it worse, there was a group in our local area called "music with mummy". If that isn't a group name that says that men aren't welcome, I don't know what is. Then one day, they changed their name.

Hurrah!

Well, no. They changed it to "music with mummy or granny".

Nice one.

It was one of my bug bears, and I really moaned and moaned about it. One day the woman who organised it turned up to one of Lucie's groups to promote it, so Lucie took it upon herself to moan on my behalf. The response was "it's always been called that" (because that's the answer to all of society's ills) and "no men ever turn up anyway".

Lucie's words must have had an effect though, because shortly after they changed their name to be more inclusive.

Hurrah!

Again, no. It was now:

Music with mummy or granny
(or significant other)

Great, so I'm no longer just a sperm donor, I've been upgraded to the title of significant other. In future, I will not announce myself as Archie's father, I will announce myself as "Archie's significant other".

So I've been whinging, I've been moaning and I've been on my box moaning that someone should do something about it.

Let's move the story on slightly to get to the point. We know the local NCT chairperson quite well (the NCT are the National Childbirth Trust and organise lots of parenting meets and assistance, if you didn't know - I'm acutely aware that us parents talk a different language sometimes). Lucie is a member and has done some work with them. I've even been a hero and donned an apron to help out at one of their nearly new sales in the past (never again, those women are lethal when they're searching for a bargain).

So a few weeks ago she said to me "where are all the fathers? I need someone to start organise some groups and make them feel involved. Fancy taking it on?"

What I should type now is that I said "YES! I've been moaning about this for ages! This is the perfect outlet! A hell of a challenge but it should be fun and worth it"

So did I say that? Eh, no. I waffled about how I would love to, but I'm much too busy. And I am. I have two jobs at the moment, I finish one and then head home and work some more. I don't work the most hours compared to some people by any means, but I am pretty stretched at the minute. I'm working between 45 and 50 hours a week, not including commuting. I just couldn't fit in the organising of this and associated promotion on top.

However, ever since I have felt bad. I am more than happy to moan about this issue, but unlike others I haven't done any proactive when I've had the chance. I feel like a keyboard warrior, nothing more. Maybe I should just forget about it and move on, but I can't. It just keeps biting away at the back of my mind.