Lucie gets maternal

What made Lucie buy a feather duster? I'm blaming the hormones. She's never been inclined to buy a feather duster before, or to dust. But suddenly she's "seeing dust" around the house and it's "driving her mad".

In other news, I had my first baby dream last night. I dreamt that I was at the birth, and then my sister visited and we were playing with the baby. There was this awful feeling when I woke up and realised that it was a dream - there is still a long long way to go and I won't calm down a bit until 12 weeks in... which isn't until the end of February.

Lucie has had a couple of nosebleeds now, which is supposedly a good sign. Her trousers are getting a fair bit tighter, and all this when pip is still barely bigger than an apple pip.

Flat tyre

I apologise profusely to the guy in the sports car who I called a "fecking berk" in my rear view mirror this morning.

OK, so I shouldn't have assumed that just because you were in a sporty car, driving right up to my boot and waving like a loon (it looked like he was motioning "I need to go around you") you were a tosser.

I think my words were "it's a bloody narrow country lane you fecking berk, you can't overtake no matter how urgent your journey is!"

For your information, it wasn't until I got to work, parked up and then went to the toilet two hours later that I noticed that I had a deflated rear tyre.

On the plus side, I don't think you would have realised that I was saying stuff about you, you would have just thought that I was an ignorant driver that wasn't looking in his rear view mirror to see your helpful attempt to inform me that I was driving with a flat tyre.

On a side note, my car drove fine today. It didn't feel like anything was wrong with it at all. I was in a rush as I was running late and didn't even see that the tyre was flat.

Remember this? Well, foolishly I've never got that damaged tyre replaced. It's one of those jobs that involves spending money that I've kept putting off and off and off. And now it came back to bite me in the ass as it was my spare that was flat.

I had to call a mobile tyre fitter to come out and fit a new one, costing me £130. On the plus side the mobile tyre fitters (Kwik Fit) originally said that couldn't fit me in today, but when I explained my situation (I work in the middle of nowhere and would be there all night if they couldn't do them today) they made me an emergency case as I was classed as "stranded".

Or maybe it was because I told the chap on the phone "just tell them I'm a busty blonde".

Naming an unborn baby

We had a conversation and we've gone for 'pip' - Lucie fancied 'bump' but I argued that it was too impersonal.

She went to the doctors today and has been told that aside from being a bit overweight is otherwise fine. I misheard her and her first midwife appointment isn't until 12th February, so I'm not going to tell work just yet.

I've read many a time about hormones and mood swings during pregnancy but nothing prepared me for the truth. Seriously, it's scary. One moment she's OK, the next she in tears about the smallest thing. Or getting wound up. The weirdest thing can set her off crying at the moment. I never thought it would be this extreme. And it can only get worse.....

Lu also told her dad today, contrary to what we thought would happen he was really pleased and excited. Life can be funny sometimes.....

Lucie had the "oh my god how on earth are we going to afford a baby?" panic last night. So at least we've both had it and got it over and done with.

We need a name to call the baby. We already know what we are going to call him or her after the birth, but we need something to refer to him or her whilst in the womb. For example, one of my nieces was always "titch", Andy and Chrystal used "squidge". I am thinking "pip" because I still can't get my head around the fact that at the moment he or she is the size of an apple pip, but by the time the first scan is due in a couple of weeks will be over an inch tall. I have to run it by Lucie and come to a consensus.

In the biggest news of the day, Lu's mum text her at a stupid hour this morning to say that she is very happy for us both, we'll make great parents and she is really looking forward to becoming a grandmother. I knew that she'd come around eventually. But we still haven't told her dad...

Telling the parents

I told my parents today. My mum wasn't given the message by my brother (obviously, saying that it is 'urgent' means nothing in his world).

As expected, they took it rather well. My mum, who I know desperately wants to become a grandmother again acknowledged that it is still early days so wasn't getting too wound up yet. She also agreed with our decision to keep it quiet until the first scan.

She has also already offered us lots of stuff that they bought for Neal and Claire's babies, saying that they always intended them to be used by all of us. So that's a moses basket, cot, pram etc. etc. etc. etc. already sorted. Why was I worried about finances? Hell, I was even telling Lucie not to worry about money as others buy lots of stuff for you anyway.

Anyway, if people on a much lower income than us can survive I'm sure we can.

(This still doesn't stop me thinking about it though.... before I've always just had to worry about feeding myself. Even when I moved in with Lu she had her own job so technically I wasn't the sole breadwinner. But with a baby he or she will just have me, especially with Lucie on maternity leave)

The middle of February (when Lucie should be due a scan) seems so far away right now.

I've been hassling Lu to get to the doctors. She has got an appointment booked in for Tuesday to see the GP. She also has an appointment with the midwife the Tuesday after.

We've agreed that I will tell my boss in the coming week because she is really nervous about going to see the midwife for the first time (a huge book to fill out, lots of questions etc.). I'm hoping that if I tell him he will be good enough to give me some time off work to go with her. I have an hours lunch but I don't want to be late back without an excuse.

It's all quite surreal still at the moment, supposedly the baby is the size of an apple pip at this stage. Lucie feels a bit funny or achy sometimes but other than that you wouldn't guess she had a new life growing inside of her.

In a bizarre wish, Lucie actually wants to feel ill. She read somewhere that feeling ill is good as it means that you have more of the hormones bouncing around your body, which in turn means that there is less chance of a miscarriage. I'm attempting to banish that thought from my head.

I've just read that supposedly the embryo has a fully functioning placenta and umbilical cord at this stage. Like I said, surreal.

I could tell that a few things were troubling Lucie and I knew what it was - telling her mother. So I grabbed the phone and gave it to her, telling her to get it over and done with. I only heard one end of the conversation, but I think that her mother had a mixture of shock, uncertainty, confusion and maybe a small amount of happiness. I think over time she'll get used to it. She did tell Lucie that she was too young, but I pointed out that you can be a great mother at 16 and a crap one at 30.

I was also going to tell my mum but she was out, I left a message for her to ring me back but she hasn't, so I'll tell her tomorrow. I know that her reaction will be different to Lucie's mum's.

I've also had my first bouts of panic. It hit me like a train all at once in a huge wave earlier tonight. Lucie was looking at maternity clothes and then buggies. Suddenly my brain went into overdrive. We have to pay for this. Clothes, pushchairs, car seats. God, I'm going to need a car, we can't drive a newborn and Lucie around in my coupe. How on earth am I going to sell my car? What can I afford? We wanted to really try and buy a house in the next 12 months, how is that going to happen now?

I'm sure that I will have many more bouts of that to come.

Best news I've ever received

The day we found out that Lucie was pregnant.

She has now taken three pregnancy tests using two different brands. So that should be fairly conclusive!

She told me when I rang her from work after taking the first one. She took a further one later in the afternoon and another one this evening.

I really can't get my head around it. We've been trying but as the months go on you begin to expect it not to happen - you never realise before you start trying how difficult it is to conceive.

Now all my thoughts are going towards praying that everything will go smoothly.

Lucie has registered with the local GP surgery today and will hopefully be able to see him or her in the next couple of days.