Waiting for deliverance

I hate waiting for deliveries. Hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it.

Even worse, it's one of those "it will be between 7am and 7pm" jobs. I know the second that I go to the toilet or start to cook something (I'm hungry) they're bound to turn up.

Merry Christmas! (War is over?)

So, after defending my brother a bit I was brought back to earth with a bump with some good old family politics.

Presents on Christmas Day were a bit thin on the ground this year. As you may recall one of my brothers has been out of work since July, and my brother who has had the messy marriage break up literally just last week paid for a divorce - he had to pay something like £400 as there were no circumstances (such as an affair) other than breakdown of marriage.

Neither of them got us anything.

Now, that in itself wouldn't be so bad (honestly, I enjoyed seeing the majority of my family for the first time in around six months more) if it wasn't for the fact that I had to give him a lift home. All the way he whinged that my brother got a lot more from my sister than he did. "What has he done that's special that deserves that?" he moaned.

He also tried a bit of point scoring during the day, commenting to mum with the usual old dig that's he's said many times: that I was given preferential treatment because I was allowed to go to the pub when I was 17. And he got the usual reply from my mum that I asked and didn't just sneak out there, plus my attitude and behaviour at the time warranted trust.

My mum gave a speech at the dinner table that 2008 should be a year where as a family we all try to get our lives together (it replaced the Queen's Speech in our house). I did mention that I thought that Lucie and I were doing rather well for ourselves before realising that it wasn't really the place to defend myself (and in my heart I don't think that she was really talking about me).

I cut myself short, but on the other hand divorcing brother argued passionately that his current situation wasn't his fault, there was this and that and this that had caused him to be where he is today.

I tell you, no-one would believe I was the f**king youngest in this family.

Other stuff that he talked about in the car really drove it home to me: with him, it's always someone else's fault. I think that's the biggest difference between him and me. And maybe most of my family and me. There's always someone or something to blame. I like to think that I believe that the future is in my hands, and situations that I end up in and always (at the very least in part) my doing.

Consequently, I believe that what I do can make a difference in my life, so I like to think that I chose wisely or follow gut instinct when my gut really yearns in a certain direction.

I said something in a conversation with lonecow the other day and I think it is true. I believe in belief. And I have belief. Unlike other members of my family, for whom nothing is their fault.

Oh, and in other news we got lots of biscuits (it seems to be the done thing, to get a couple a biscuit tin for a present if you don't know what else to get them). Lucie and I don't really keep biscuits in the house. If anyone wants to visit for a cuppa, please let me know.

Grumpy old git moan of the day

Wow, I'm jolly glad to see that the biggest news story in the WHOLE world is that Tony Blair has converted to Catholicism.

It almost makes getting out of bed this morning worthwhile.

Ah well

Following on from this old post....

I had a good talk with my brother last night, and it actually went quite well. Maybe I was a bit harsh back then, but I think it was the weight and suddenness of the situation. Sure I was annoyed but the least I could have done was talk to him and maybe give him my assessment of the situation before moving on and helping him deal with it.

Unfortunately the conversation started because he rang me late at night and told me that he had put me down as the executor on his will. Turns out things at his end are turning a bit nasty and some unsavoury things have been said.

I did say to him "you're not going to do a Kurt Cobain are you?". Just a brother's subtle way of ensuring that your sibling isn't suicidal.

I've just told him to keep his head down and soon it will be like bullies in a playground: they'll soon lose some interest.

Hopefully.

My family... again

I know I'm at risk of whining about my family too much..... apologies to anyone that can't be arsed to read this sort of thing.......

I talked to my brother for the first time since I found out that he was leaving his wife. That's a whole month. It actually happened by accident, I rang my Gran to apologise for missing her birthday (I got the dates mixed up again) and he picked up the phone at her house. He's living there at the moment.

(If you want to get really confused, my other brother is still living with my sister-in-law).

We broached the subject but didn't really talk in depth about it. He complained that he was constantly being accused of having an affair. I desperately wanted to tell him to consider how it all looked from the outside - a seemingly happy marriage that has suddenly fallen down like a stack of cards.

He moaned that he has to go to the pub alone at the minute, as it's the only escape he gets from people talking about it, and he can't do it with friends as they have all turned their backs on him. I want to tell him that he's made his bed, and now he has to sleep in it.

But it wasn't worth the argument. He's obviously made a decision, rightly or wrongly, and nothing I say will change that. But I can't help think that he has stuffed up, and will now spend another bunch of miserable years of being single, where all he'll do is whinge about how lonely he is. Again.

He is desperate for me to head back that way and spend some time with him. I think that he thinks that I'm a good listener that won't offer judgement in such a situation, and that I'll cheer him up. But I really don't want to spend one of my days off picking up the pieces of his life.

I don't know if that's selfish. He is my brother, after all. He may be an idiot, but he's still my brother.